Written by: Kristýna Vondrová
Masturbation. A healthy way to dopamine, oxytocin and endorphin. A moment of relaxation, experimentation, getting to know your body. And a great refresher for a couple's sex life - if we can get rid of the shame and lingering stigma that accompanies masturbation even in the 21st century. Let's try it together, slowly and sensitively.
Masturbation often acts as a second-rate pleasure on the menu of intimate games. A memory of the teenage era, when we did not know other ways of climaxing. Sexuality in our single periods. Emergency for cases when the partner is not at hand or in the mood. We don't deny that we like to do good, but we don't brag about it in society either.
Where are you touching, you shameless minx?
Where did the latent feeling of shame that accompanies masturbation come from? We often unconsciously carry it with us from childhood, when we were repeatedly admonished by our parents during spontaneous discovering themselves (whose goal was not necessarily itself orgasm, but only pure curiosity and pleasant feelings). Self-reprimand has acquired the flavor of forbidden fruit, which is not recommended to be tasted even in front of the closest persons, who are mom and dad for children.
That is why it is difficult for most of us to start masturbating with a partner without inhibitions, even if the idea entices and excites us. How to gradually relax and unblock it? We have a three-step proposal for you.
Step 1: an open conversation
To strengthen the feeling of trust, we need to feel unconditionally accepted. This applies not only to bodies, but also to our fantasies and preferences, even if we don't necessarily want to actually realize them.
Prepare in advance to (repeatedly) share masturbation fantasies. If you get irritated by porn during solo rides, prepare a favorite video that you want to watch with your partner. This way, you avoid the scenario in which you browse the server together, wade through a flood of preview images and close the selected movie every three minutes because "it's not the same, wait, I'll find something better".
Do you masturbate with your eyes closed and your own dreams? Then you will receive their verbal description. And that's even more challenging, isn't it? On the other hand, it forces you to be really specific and name the key stimuli that take you.
Tip: You don't like porn that much, but don't you want to start describing your own dreams? Flip through the book Erotic stories that happened by Petr Soukup and find one that will excite you. You can then read it to your partner and observe his reaction.
Step 2: shared masturbation
After you have overcome the fear of ridicule or rejection together, it is time to shared masturbation. This means that one of you will be touching yourself and the other will take a more passive observer role. Of course, the main actor can draw the watcher into the game, but that doesn't mean the watcher has to automatically get excited too. He should not lose his space for careful examination - not only of the fingering and the procedure that makes his counterpart good, but also of his own thoughts and feelings.
Step 3: mutual masturbation
Have you alternated between the two roles mentioned? Great, let's move on to the ultimate goal: joint masturbation. Sex therapists refer to this as the most reliable way to a joint orgasm. In the beginning, it is demanding in that we do not have time to fully experience ourselves and at the same time carefully observe our partner. In addition, we usually want to match the timing of the climax, which cannot be done without active communication and precise work with oneself. Therefore, it is not worth putting pressure on yourself in the form of expectations that it will work out perfectly the first time. All the more reason to return to joint masturbation even after some time has passed.
What else might come in handy before your autoerotic adventure for two?
- A reminder of the beneficial effectsthat masturbation has on our happiness, safety and setting boundaries. You can find it in the article Masturbation: Why do we love it so much?
- Cleaning spray for intimate aids. Your silicone helpers will certainly not remain idle in a drawer.
- One of gift vouchers Whoop·de·doo in case you decide to please your partner, but want to leave her a free hand.